A Retrospective - Part 3

We left the adventures at the hospice at the stage where Leanne was going to go home to get a good night's sleep and then having packed the car with all she would require for her respite period, drop in on me at the hospice in passing.

As for me, my first night was filled with trepidation.

Would the nursing staff be able to handle my sense of humour this being a difficult enough thing for people not under pressure in their work? Alternately could I cease and desist from using this 'feature' of my personality for the duration?

Could they manage with all the complex instructions that had been provided by Leanne (soon to be captured in a 30 page booklet)?

How would they adjust to the 'requirement' stated in the booklet to feed each medication separately with commentary on what each each item was called, what it was for and then ensure that the system was flushed both before and after each item of medication was given. This practice being designed by Leanne to ensure that I received sufficient fluids to help deal with the presence of too much urea in blood tests.

Would people remember to add two sachets of salt to the 'food' being delivered through the peg tube ensuring that the levels were right?

Aside from this, the realisation hit with stunning force and suddenness, that while Leanne and I had been separated for long periods of time in our time together over the years, this was at a time when both of us were 'healthy' (read independent and mobile with the use of all our limbs and faculties).

During the lead up to this stay at the hospice my condition (read physical and probably mental,) had deteriorated to the point where I was unsteady on my feet to the point that I had actually fallen over once and had tried to walk and found myself unable to do so without the aid of the walker and then only for short distances (the length of the hallway connecting the rooms in the house in which we live, being the distance referred to and, unable to communicate because I ran out of air trying to form and state words without my vocal cords operating adequately - and sometimes at all.)

In short, at home, with each passing day, I felt as though I was becoming more and more dependent and frankly, scared of being alone in case anything happened that I could not handle.

We had been taking care of this reality by using the services of volunteers who were kind enough to mind me and look out for me while I lay in bed requiring additional pain medication and really being out of it and generally unable to even communicate with them. Their presence enabled Leanne to meet with friends, find some hours of time away from the grind of dealing with my needs all the time and having access to some life outside of that.

In recognition of this situation and state of affairs, I am embarrassed to report that I asked if it was possible for a volunteer to sit with me. This was made possible and I want to use this opportunity to thank all those who made it possible. I also regret to report that it had been a long day and I was exhausted so the land of nod found me to be a willing and capable resident. I slept through the night waking only when the calls of nature required and recall feeling tremendous guilt along side the gratitude when I saw my 'guardian' perched in one of the chairs with a hand knitted shawl to keep her warm. Thank you!

More to come. (Note: when this has been read andd approved by the hospice management.PG)