Having finally found the computer terminal in the hospice, learnt to log on, recall my password for the blog etc with great difficulty, through a fog bank of induced memory loss, I stared at the key board, formerly my friend, now my challenge, and then started to compose, this humble and meagre offering.
It attempts to be a little "retrospective", exploring feelings 'views' and incidents or events about coming to and staying in the hospice - later contributions will try and explore snapshots of life in the hospice ......
Coming to a hospice in a palliative care setting is quite a traumatic thing to do. At least it was for us.
Days of mental and physical preparation are required and both Leanne and I had work to do.
Alas I did not want to go so I am afraid that at the time my condition was such that I could well call upon it to explain why I was work shy. My contribution was negligible and really lacking any substance.
Miracle worker that she is, Leanne was able to handle the decision making and associated workload with aplomb while I gibbered with fear at even the prospect of being severed from my safety lines, the familiarity of our home, the incredible levels of personal care provided by Leanne and the unfamiliarity with the hospice settings and its facilities for caring for me and my needs.
Leanne, bless her heart, prepared a "book" for the staff at the hospice outlining my personal and medical needs accompanied by a list of the medication to be taken along with information on when it needed to be taken (for example, if there was a time dependency for a given medicine or a need for one medication to be taken with another so that the impact and efficacy of both were to be enhanced)
All in all a brilliant effort and one to be considered by others.
In the lead up to arrival at the hospice much time was spent, this time by both of us, sharing our misgivings and stating them out loud. There was also time for reflection about the real need for Leanne to have real "Time Out".
We discussed the workload she had shouldered because of my illness and our relationship, a workload that it would now take shifts of nursing staff along with other allied health professionals and shifts of volunteers to undertake.
It was in truth as plain as the nose on my face that the rest was required and nothing my selfish brain could invent about MY needs could even start to compete for attention.
Finally dates were picked, arrangements finalised and it was off to my new 'home' for two weeks.
Leanne was I think in a dreadful state, largely due I feel to my selfish fears and anxieties about the new circumstances and her other real needs to visit with her family and have 'time out'. For this I apologise. I hope I have learnt my lesson and will do my utmost to resolve issues like thiss early. I am afraid I can't promise not to be selfish, the bet I think I can do is to recognise when I am selfish and then deal with it - quickly.
I can only suggest to others, based on my experience to do the exploration and sharing of feelings. These were great value and very useful.
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