Progress Notes July 4th

Well, for want of anything better, we in Australia get a jump over the Americans on their Independence Day - it already July 4th here while they sleep through July 3rd.

Today marks a high point in this latest round of treatment - the first four days of chemo therapy in combination with the radio therapy are over. So in one sense (and at least for the time being) it is also my personal 'independence day'. I no longer have to endure toxic chemicals being passed into my body while I sit patiently allowing this stuff to enter the blood stream drip by drip. It will now be a terrible two days while the main effects are leached OUT of the body through the normal means and then I have to face the gruelling commute - daily - to the hospital to get radiation therapy.

It actually takes longer to get there, park and get back than it does to receive the treatment. I have already asked what I am looking forward to and have been told the brutal truth (after the regular bull that it is of course different for each person) that in the third week (ie about half way through the 30 days of this treatment) I will have exceeded the tolerance dose of the radiation and all sorts of possible pain and anguish will commence or at least is likely to commence from then on.

What to look forward to?

Lack of sleep, pain, inability to swallow, possible side effects that I do NOT even want to think about and of course the reality that I am going to be a literal pain in the neck to my loved ones as they try hard to be nice and I will be out of control of everything, but my own reactions to what I am experiencing.

It is simply amazing how introverted and selfish one can become when in the 'sick mode'

Being a carer I suppose if probably the hardest task in the world and if the person being cared for is someone who has been totally independent all of their lives and unable to really ask for any support then I suspect that the task is made even harder.

I know that in my case whenever I am asked what I want or what I need - my honest answer is that I have no idea! I know what I am feeling and I know that above all else what I would really like is to get back to feeling 'normal', but since this is only possible with a complete body transplant - not something they have perfected as yet - (at least not to my knowledge - though some politicians I see around the place seem to have been re-cycled a lot) I guess I do not really know how to answer the question.

At present I am taking every opportunity to do the things that I can manage to do and one of those is to record some of the thoughts that I am having. Being at home and really unable to speak with the lack of mobility of the vocal chord that I have left means that being able to record the thoughts in writing and then at least publish them so that anyone who cares to look can see them is a form of catharsis or therapy.

There is little else that one CAN do besides making sure that the various aspects of hygiene are followed, that business that needs to be done is done and that as time passes each moment is savoured and used to the full.

Meanwhile I will eat and drink and be merry while I can - because as sure as God made little apples THAT state of being is not going to last!