A further update on July 6th

Met with the oncologist today - a surprise. I guess she will review the treatment on a weekly basis to see how I am doing.

Told her about all of the issues that I am having and then asked what I think is a most important question - namely what value does this treatment really add to what is happening to me? I am sure that I did not phrase the question either as simply or as well as this, but at the end of the day that is really what I want to know about.

At present - apart from the fact that I have a cancer and am recovering from the operation to remove the latest lump, I was feeling relatively well before the chemo and radio therapy started.

If there is no real hope for a cure or at least massive remission for an extended period, then the question really is - WHY am I going through all of this pain and anguish and allowing what level of health I have to deteriorate to a state where each day I become weaker, more exposed to all of the side effects of radiation and of course normal 'bugs' in the generic atmosphere that can attack an immune system that is defenseless due to the combination of chemo and radio therapy 'treatment'?

The response was of course more generic that could be hoped for - but at the end of the day quite explicit. The chances (as I already knew) are that people with this kind of illness are more likely than not to develop metastases in the lungs or liver with the net result that once there the illness progresses rapidly to the conclusion - namely death.

Thus what I think I heard the doctor say was that really what is happening is a delaying action and one which is really cleaning up the area where the tumor resided to render it inhospitable for another return bout in that specific area. However, for whatever time is left (and this is important because it suggests for the first time that since there has been a return of the tumour there is no real hope that this disease will abate and end on a positive note) there are of course choices between taking the treatment that MAY have a chance of reducing the risk of further early recurrence or taking the risk of staying as well as possible for as long as possible and then hoping that the end run is quick and made as painless as possible.

I have to confess that I have not really thought about things in this light. The real issue is what questions does one ask to enable a useful risk management plan to happen? I suspect that this is something that will occupy my time for the next few days as I try and ask yet another question which is - if I stop the treatment NOW will this be more or less useful than finishing it off to the end?

Unfortunately the decision making has to happen quickly because the further one takes this treatment - the fewer options that remain available!

As usual I loathe trying to make a decision based on such inadequate information. I mean what are the real choices? Have a bit of health NOW and enjoy it while it lasts or opt to go for feeling ill now in the hope that following a recovery from the treatment the period of well being is restored and lasts longer than it would have.

Whichever way it goes it really is a crap shoot!

Still - that's the question and one that I suspect has to be confronted.

I just hope that there are some people out there reading this missive who have had to confront this problem in the past and who have some suggestions on the factors that need to be considered and will be kind enough to drop me a line. Frankly, at this point, I have insufficient data.