The New Cycle

Just imagine your life being regulated by the following hours, five o'clock in the morning, eleven o'clock in the morning, five o'clock in the afternoon, eleven o'clock at night, then the cycle starts all over again.

On each of these occasions Leanne has to provide me with, different forms of medication and of course, water. Since getting into a situation where it is 'nil by mouth' all of my food and all of my liquids come via the 'peg tube'. This of course applies to both food and liquids into the duodenum. Since this is smaller than the stomach, the provision of both food and liquids has to be done slowly and gently and preferably in a state which is neither too cold nor too hot.

I think that we've started to get this cycle into gear, but of course every so often things go awry. One of us is not feeling at our best, or the bodily functions do not permit easy collaborative activity. Take this morning as an example. I have no idea why, but the provision of liquids and food this morning resulted in my feeling nauseous. So I had to be provided with drugs that would counter the nausea. Alas, these do not work all the time.I sometimes wonder what it would be like closer to the end?

I suspect that I will be drugged out of my brain, and lying listlessly in a state of sleeplessness just staring at the ceiling or with my eyes closed.

If you have ever visited the hospice here in the ACT or indeed anywhere else in world, I suspect you'll find people who have drips in their arms, tubes up their noses and God knows where else. It is sad, but it's true that dying is often an unpleasant experience I'm not sure I want to experience that, but I'm not sure I have a choice. To go to sleep, wake up to go to sleep and ------------