Latest Developments

I am afraid that there have been some recent developments that are NOT good news.

For those of you who have been celebrating (along with me) my news of recent times that the CT scan was not changed from the one three months ago and the oncologist giving me the message to have fun and enjoy life, I suspect that this will come as a considerable disappointment. For me I have to admit it is more than disappointing, it is currently devastating!

All of a sudden last a week ago I just lost my voice completely. It was as if a switch had been turned off. I found that I could breathe or should I say gasp air at some points and I found it difficult to sleep at night without being woken by either reflux that I was unable to quickly clear and so with the terror of actually aspirating whatever was happening instead of being able to breathe.

It seems that we all take breathing for granted during our lives and we also seem to take for granted that when you swallow liquids and accidentally some of it 'goes down the wrong way' i.e. when you aspirate - you just close your vocal cords and build up some pressure in the air way and then forcibly expel whatever has inadvertently found its way into the airway.

Note the cautionary tale here. You have to be able to close both vocal cords to achieve this.

I have advised in the past that I have had one vocal cord frozen as a result of the surgery to take out the tumour under my collar bone last year. It will not and cannot recover as the nerves that enable this function to happen were also cut during the operation. What was done about this was to place some GoreTex material into the right vocal fold so as to plump it up and in that fashion bring the right vocal cord closer to the closed position with the aim of enabling the left vocal cord to do its work and close with the right one whenever I needed to speak.

Let's just say that the operation was not as successful as hoped and while I managed to get the cords to close sufficiently to be able to make sounds - they were weak and lacked any power at all.

The net result was acceptable and at least enabled me to joke about the fact that people would actually have to listen to what I was saying because without listening they could hear nothing!

Well it was no joke to find that the other vocal cord has stopped functioning!

This means that I now find it difficult to drink clear liquids without aspirating them, I cannot talk at all (a blessing some might say), but really frightening for me in that if I need help I cannot call out, I cannot call anyone on the phone and I am finding it difficult to even get sufficient fluids to ensure that my body is completely hydrated.

Anyway, to cut a long story short - we saw the ENT specialist yesterday and he did his marvellous work of spraying some stuff up the left nostril and then inserting that lovely little rubber tube with a light and a camera all the way through the nasal cavity and down into the throat to have a look at what was happening.

He, along with Leanne saw that the left vocal cord is (at least at present) also non functional.

In discussing this of course everyone is convinced that there is another tumour growth somewhere that is responsible though there is a remote possibility (so it is thought) that it could be the result of some viral infection and that the cord will spontaneously return to some function. Meanwhile there is sufficient space between the cords to enable breathing - especially if the head is turned to the right.

So what will happen from here is anyone's guess but since some of you have asked I thought that while I could I would at least explain WHY you are not getting any phone calls from me or WHY I cannot talk to you on Skype or WHY I am not being more communicative.

I hope you will all understand that at present - and I do really hope that it is just "at present" I am physically not able to talk to anyone and so would like to ask for your understanding.

Meanwhile I am NOT on the computer much either these days as I another condition which is probably some arthritis combined with overuse syndrome is quite painful and the treatments for this condition while very effective are also treatments that create the reflux that is so NON conducive to being able to breathe easily.

It's not a great place to be at present, so bear with me please until we get some news from the doctors and other specialists who are currently turning their attention to what if anything can be done to teach me how to live with my current condition and/or to figure out what if anything more can be done to provide some other suggested remedies or alternatives.

Meanwhile I am trying simply to get from one day to the next in between bouts of frustration, anger and fear.

So if you call and the phone is picked up and what you hear are the "sounds of silence" (with apologies to Simon and Garfunkel - by all means talk to me and let me hear what you are saying just do NOT expect to be able to hear my body language trying to respond.

Sorry about that folks - at present it's the best I can do!