Peter's Funeral on 22 September 2009

The funeral at Macquarie Park Cemetery in North Ryde, NSW was held at 12.30pm on an unseasonably hot, windy day for Spring. Peter hated the cold and hated Canberra in the winter with a mortal dread, so it is fitting that it was warm for his last day with us.

The Ohel Chaim chapel, in this huge cemetery, is a simple place and suitable to the dignified and restrained service which Rabbi Jacobson performed. There were no flowers, just the simple black coffin draped in a fringed, velvet cloth to the left of the seating, with the rabbi on the right.

Not everything can be controlled for, however, even at the last, and the sound of a mechanical digger working at some distance was annoying from time to time but I did not think it politic to rise in the middle of the service to close the doors.

The rabbi delivered the Eulogy I had written sincerely and movingly and I was glad he did not ask me to edit it down, because how do you fit a 60 year life into less than 20 minutes? I still know that it could, in no way, really do Peter justice. But I think he would have been pleased, although I have no doubts whatsoever, that he would have read through it and made a number of suggestions.

Some of Peter's friends/colleagues drove the 300 kilometres from Canberra and 3 longtime workmates, with whom Peter was close, came from the various Centrelink office or retirement to pay their respects. Also present, were people whom I had never met who formed part of Peter's early life in Sydney as well as a representative group of my nuclear and extended family. It was not a large group because the timing of the funeral was quite quick, in accordance with Jewish tradition, and most people with whom Peter had had contact over the past 15 years of our time in Canberra could not make the journey.

After the service, we walked the short distance of about 30 metres or so to the burial plot, where there were more prayers and words of comfort. Then 4 shovels were planted in the earth and we were invited to take a shovel, one at a time and place three spades of earth on the coffin. I was first and then others followed, as it is traditional that "we bury our own". Next, the rabbi invited me to step up onto the path near the grave with the other mourners adjacent to me in 2 parallel rows, so that I might "step off into a new life" and be greeted or comforted by the others present. I found these small traditions, which were new to me, to be exceptionally moving and meaningful.

Some of us gathered after the service to have coffee and cake at the cafe, although that is not traditional to do so in Jewish rites. But that evening, the rabbi also held a Minyan prayer meeting at Peter's only distant relatives' home which was attended by a small number of old friends, some of whom could not make the funeral. Peter had mentioned this in some notes he left me and so I was really glad the Rabbi was available for this quiet and moving service.

That night a wind storm blew up and the next morning Sydney was shrouded in a bright orange shroud of dust, the worst such storm for over 70 years according to meteorologists. Visibility was low, ferries on the harbour were cancelled, and the city remained under the influence of the yellowish/orange haze until it all blew out to sea later in the day. Thousands of millions of tonnes of red dust had blown from the red centre around Lake Eyre, over almost the entire eastern seaboard or Australia. I know that it is a long bow to mention this, but I can't help but feeling a degree of "old Testament" significance about the end of a 5,770 year history for Peter and his family, being marked with such a huge natural event!

Some people have asked that I publish the Eulogy and I will be happy to do so later this month on this blog site. I will continue to use the blog site to keep you informed, as I know many people have been used to seeing it, especially those overseas and for whom I don't have contact details.

I am working on the memorial service and venue at the moment and it is tentatively to be held on Thursday October 15th in Canberra, around 2 or 2.30pm, most probably in Tuggeranong, close to our home, with afternoon tea afterwards. Peter would have wanted a "good spread" so I hope those of you who are within driving distance can place this in your diaries. I will also text and email people for whom I have contact information.

I was very moved by the emails and cards that have been sent to me in recent days. Some I read left me weeping with great, fat tears falling onto my lap and wracking sobs that I found took some time to subside. I was also moved by a letter I received from Dr Yip and a phone call I received yesterday from Dr P about Peter. How many specialists do you know who would take the time to do such an immensely personal thing? It is a measure of their unique and special qualities and also, I think, the esteem in which they held Peter.

To all of you who have been in touch with phone calls, emails and cards, I thank you so very much and will get to reply to each of you individually in time. I am devastated, I am shattered, I am bereft. I sit here alone in Peter's study, writing this, surrounded by all the small markers of his life and I have to say, unlike Edith Piaf, I do have regrets and would have done some things differently had I known then what I know now.

I also miss, with an intense and deep physicality, the Peter who I know, is his "earthly shell". Because it was his hands that I held, his feet I massaged, his brow I kissed and his body that I held, protected and fought for in these last days and years. I know the essence of who he was is not there, but the anguish of knowing his body is interred is deep and final.

Please keep looking at this blog and his "Pete's Place" blog or contact me via email either on Peter's or my email address.

Many thanks
Leanne