Moving to Hospice

Yesterday we were able to see Dr P___ the very excellent palliative care specialist whom Peter has been seeing for over 18 months and who knows him very well. Peter trusts him absolutely and he has shown himself to be, time and again, the very best doctor we have encountered. His knowledge is huge, his capacity to patiently explain things is boundless and his compassion, friendliness and support has been second to none.

Peter's first question was "Can I fight this and recover or is it going to be the end?" Dr P said there was a very slender possibility that Peter could recover from the pneumonia but that the likelihood was that this would be his terminal illness.

I asked whether he could be saved if he showed signs of improvement and DR P said yes, which was a relief to me that the course of action could be changed if there was that miracle.

Peter said: "You said a long time ago that if the time came you could help me by making things painless, panic and anxiety free and you could keep my airways clear so I wouldn't suffocate or choke. Can you do that for me"" Dr P said that if that was what he wanted then it was not only Peter's right to have that care but it would be Dr P's personal honour to assist him to do so. peter said he didn't want to die but if he had to then he wanted to "drift off" as if gently going to sleep.

Dr P said he could do that and more to help Peter and that the best thing was for him to be moved to the hospice where he, Dr P, would also be on duty for the next 2 weeks. Suddenly we both felt marginally better. Me, because the struggle with the Intensivists to keep Peter going and to see him as more than just his illnesses on paper has been taken over by an excellent and caring doctor who will do whatever he can; and Peter because I think he trusts Dr P implicitly. Peter said to me after his first meeting with Dr P early in 2008 "If his is the last face I ever see, I will be happy". At the time I thought: "That's a relief to finally find a doctor who is so good and caring and will be here if we come to that point". I am so glad that Dr P has just come back from leave yesterday and so should be able to be with us throughout this period.

So Peter will be moving to Clare Holland House after 9am today sometime, having medications through the Peg tube again and I hope that he can be kept hydrated enough with that, despite the leakage problems we have been experiencing. I am going to ask Dr P if we can introduce some of Peter's liquid food again, even tiny amounts, as I am physically ill to think that he may end up dehydrated and starved, as I want to grab that slim chance that we can revive him. I know that there is still the cancer to answer to but this may have a tiny chance to be beaten and I want to do every single thing in my power to grab it if it comes within reach.

Will update again as soon as I can.

Leanne