Friday 28th July

As predicted we have had a busy week. The painters spent all of Monday here and got the job done with minimal disruption to Peter which was good. Naturally, the 2 days it took beforehand and the several days it is taking afterwards to get the house back into order is more exhausting for me than for Peter.

On Wednesday the GP visited and the blood results were available from the bloods taken on Tuesday. Peter's generally starting to pick up on many of the indicators now which is good. He is still low on a few things - eg. salt and his thyroid function is less than optimal so we have increased his Thyroxine to 75 micrograms and continue to pump him full of fibre, vitamins and his remianing couple of medications along with his fluids and feeds.

Yesterday we also went to see Dr Lyn Austen, radiation oncologist, for a follow-up consultation as it is 2 and 1/2 weeks since the end of the radiation. She was generally pleased with him - she stated he looks better and his strength and resistance when tested was pretty good despite Peter's concerns that he is weak and not feeling well. He has lost strength in his right arm and his motor movements are confirmed as being weak which Dr Austen confirmed could have been from the radiation as the area treated was in that range where it could affect his movement.

Peter was very concerned when she said that we need to keep an eye on how his movements are going as if the tumour moves into the spine he could become a paraplegic. Now this is Peter's 2nd most horrifying nightmare scenario, apart from choking/gasping for breath. So today he is very depressed. (This is not helped by the fact his pain has been breaking through the medication about an hour or so before the nurses arrive). It's very hard to face the thought of increasing decline in function to the point of total vulnerability and we both quake at the thought of what might lie ahead.

As he said to me this morning "I have spent my whole life trying to avoid this" (ie. cancer and physical decline). And isn't that the same for all, or at least most, of us? If we aren't having to face it within our family or friendship network, we live life with the hope that we will go in one fell swoop, without knowing a thing and it will be super quick. While in the meantime we live life as if we will always have health and independence. It's not until you go to the hospital (or work in one) that the vulnerability of the human condition faces you in every way possible. I know Peter always found hospitals hard places to be in and now that's the place or the system in which we spend a lot of time - a hard irony, that one!

Still waiting for the electrician to install the extra power points etc, but after that the house will feel more in order.

I am okay, just very tired this week. The pressure and disruption to get to a hospital appointment and manage all of the fluids and feeds is very tiring. Not helped by the fact that the car battery was flat when we went to go to the appointment and had to change to the other car to get to the appointment (but the NRMA mobile battery service did wonders when I called them later in the afternoon). However, we now have our disability pass so can park in disabled spots which is a very positive thing.

That's all for now. Salut - Leanne