Progress Notes

Today is June 22nd.

The countdown continues until the dreaded day next week on which I once again have to enter the precinct of the hospital to gain access to more chemo therapy and at the same time more radio therapy.

I have always wondered about the notion of radio therapy. Unlike the reality of being bombarded by gamma radiation that kills everything it touches I would actually prefer it to mean having to lie in a soundproof room listening to something inane on a radio station. I can imagine nothing as therapeutic as having to listen to certain shock jocks for at least an hour a day to loosen up one's ideas about sanity in the world. Nor can I imagine anything more therapeutic than having to listen to certain types of music as a way of gaining tolerance for sounds that previously would have drive me totally insane.

Instead I have to face the dreaded reality of a carefully fashioned plastic mask that is placed over one's head with breathing impeded and tension hunching the shoulders as marks are carefully drawn on the mask and the lead shields of the gamma ray emitter are brought to bear so that for the required number of minutes one is toasted by deadly gamma radiation all intended to be a way of saving one's life.

I guess it beats holding a bottle of radium to the affected area - but I have to say that doing this willingly is a leap in faith for the patient and a giant step for the profession of medicine.

I am grateful that I am at least allowed to have the therapy as this indicates that the doctors have not yet consigned my chances to the refuse bin. But I have to tell you all that it is hard to volunteer to undergo more and more trauma in the hope that the outcome will be more successful than the last time that we went through this ordeal.

Sorry to be maudlin folks - just too much time to think I guess.