The other shoe HAS Dropped

I am afraid that I have had some really bad news today.

Most of you have been waiting with bated breath for the next exciting episode of my treatment in TCH on the next and subsequent visit to the Gastro Unit.

The good news is that this time the Dilation went well.

I was in at 8:oo and was treated extremely well.

I was allowed to keep my clothes on until the treatment was due and I was advised that if needed I could get all the warm blankets I needed. A very different approach from what I experienced a week ago. Indeed on this occasion I did not even have to take off my clothes when I went in for the treatment.

Some more good news, the doctor once again managed to dilate me up even further - but still not to a normal aperture which is around 18 (have no idea what the measure is)

I started off as 5 - am now at 12 and with any luck will be at a slightly higher number next time - I am due for the next round of this dilation treatment next Wednesday.

As usual, my doctor took biopsies as he extended his ability to see further down my oesophagus and this time the news from pathology was NOT good.

It appears that the cancer has returned.

Until I see the actual report I will not know what this means - but I suspect that I do not have many options left.

My instincts tell me that cutting it out is probably not possible and I have been advised in the past that radiation treatment is not available - I have had my fair share of rays.

This leave open the slim hope that there may be some response that my oncologist may be able to do something with chemo therapy.

I live in hope that this will be the case.

The doctors will no doubt be talking with each other and arriving at some opinion which of course I will publish here as soon as I know what it is.

In the interim there is nothing I can do about anything so I will take it one day at a time and just wait to hear what options they can suggest to me. I have advised my GP and hope that he will also have some time to get into the act and ask some questions.

All I know is that what I have dreaded for all these past weeks and months namely that the cancer had returned is NOT in my imagination and it has - the questions are where to what extent and what if any treatment besides palliative care is possible.

So for those of you who have been keeping your fingers crossed for me - it's time to relax the muscles and try some other technique - that one simply did not work!

I am sorry to be flippant about all this - I guess it has not yet sunk in that this time I really may be off to that last round up. It will, and I am sure that those of you familiar with the stages of bereavement will have a good idea about what stages I will go through from here on.

Suffice it to say that there will be a lot for Leanne and I to contend with as we learn the extent of this news and then what if anything happens next!